The Best Line Ever for New Moms ...

June 9th, 2010 by Diane Sam

You know the nosy neighbour who has all sorts of comments on how you should raise your kids? Or the father-in-law who can't keep his opinions to himself about your child care? ... I found the best Line ever that can handle that situation!

Here it is ...

"We do what works for us"

Simple isn't it? Elegant. Here's why I like it - 1) by saying 'we' you are implying that you and your DH are totally a team on this one, and there's more power in that. 2) it also says that you've really thought it though and discussed it with your co-parent, 3) it doesn't imply that your way is better (although naturally, it is, if you say "I'm doing what I think is best" it implies that you think their way is crap :) ). and 4) you don't start getting into a tonne of reasons why you've made that decision.

Even though their way may be 'crap' why get into it? The minute you start defensively explaining your reasons to someone who is "messing with your swing" (i.e. by questioning or commenting, they are subtly undermining you), you lose your own power. Also, if you feel a bit hurt and 'sting back' with another comment about why your way is better than theirs, you are also losing a bit of your power by engaging in an "I know I'm right" kind of argument. Better to just be clear, powerful and direct:"We do what works for us".

What it communicates:  "Case closed. I'm a powerful mama. I've made this decision. That's that. "

So, the next time your mother-in-law says "why don't you give him a bit of formula before bed so you can have a full night's sleep?" or "why are you still taking the baby to bed with you?" or "why are you bothering with cloth diapers, aren't you busy enough?", etc..  just smile and say ... "We do what works for us".

What do you think moms? Any advice? any comments to add?  What's worked for you?

 (P.S. I think I read this phrase on an online article this week, but I can't remember where, so if anyone knows, let me know and I'll be happy to attribute!)

(Blog photo: Some rights reserved by <a href="">irina slutsky.</a>)


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Karen said:

Wise words. I sure could have used them back in the 1990's when I was breastfeeding under a cloak of whispers, funny looks and lack of support in general.

I will use it now as there are still circumstances that this phrase will cover. If anyone questions you on something you feel strongly about "We do what works for us" You could even replace the We and Us for I and Me on more personal topics and it might be a good phrase to teach our children as they grow older.

June 9th, 2010 6:18pm

ThoughtfulBirth said:

This is perfect for those situations when it's obvious--or you realize moments into a conversation--that the other person doesn't actually care what you have to say. I love to share my reasons when someone has even a hint of true curiosity; but when faced with time-wasting, close-minded criticism, this is the perfect simple, confident, non-confrontational answer. Thanks!

June 9th, 2010 6:19pm

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